If someone is hurting you....

There are resources available if someone is hurting you. You do not need to go through this alone. You deserve to be in a healthy relationship. 

Need help now? Click here for someone to help you 24/7. You can call, chat online, or text with a supportive person. https://www.thehotline.org/get-help/

 A safety plan is a list of things you can do to lower your risk of being hurt by your partner. It includes information specific to you and your life that will increase your safety. Go through the interactive safety tool here to complete your plan. 

Watch out for these red flags:

• Controlling the money you earn
• Putting you down or calling you names
• Embarrassing you around others
• Doing things to purposely intimidate or scare you
• Controlling who you talk to, see, or spend time with
• Telling you that you are a bad parent or threatening to take away your kids
• Not allowing you to work
• Gaslighting you (link for more information)
• Destroying your property
• Shoving, slapping, choking, or hitting you
• Threatening to hurt/kill you or to kill themselves
• Forcing you to have sex with them or to get pregnant when you aren't ready

•  Physical Abuse is the type of abuse that most people think of when they hear the word “abuse.” It involves any kind of assault. This can range from pinching, pushing, hitting, choking, shooting, or stabbing. It can include anything that could cause potential physical harm to a victim, such as invading someone’s personal space in a threatening manner, driving recklessly with the intent to harm, or causing fear of harm.
• Sexual Abuse can include physical and non-physical components. Sexual abuse may involve rape or other forced sexual violence or acts, withholding sex, or using sex as a weapon. Abusers may also use sex as a way to devalue or judge their victims.
• Emotional Abuse is often more difficult to identify because the wounds are to the mind and are not physically apparent. This type of abuse may involve being talked to in a demeaning way, such as the victim being told they are stupid, worthless, ugly, or undesirable, or when a partner gives you the silent treatment. The scars caused by emotional abuse often take years to heal.
• Psychological/Mental occurs when the abuser will use actions or words that affect the victim’s mental health and well-being and could contribute to mental health issues.  This type of abuse can leave victims questioning their sanity. Too many abusers and psychological taunts are much like a game. For example, they may deliberately move something so that the victim cannot find it or turn lights off and on to frighten the victim and then deny that the event occurred. Survivors of psychological abuse often report that they were told they were crazy so many times that they began to believe it. A person experiencing this type of abuse may not know that they are affected by relationship abuse, in some instances.
• Economic Or Financial Abuse is one way that the abuser will try to assert power and control over a victim. This type of abuse may involve withholding money from the victim, budgeting the household finances, and not allowing the victim to have access to their bank accounts or spending money. Abusers may open credit cards or other lines of credit, creating debt in the victim’s name. This is one example of how an abuser keeps control over a victim as a bad credit rating can affect the victim’s ability to get an apartment, car, or any other necessities that would make leaving the abusive relationship possible. They could be faced with financial problems for years, even once they can leave an abuser.

The cycle of abuse was introduced in the 1970s by Psychologist Lenore Walker who wrote "The Battered Woman." While the cycles are common, not all people experience it the same.  The cycle of abuse was formed to help bring awareness.

• Tension: The abuser starts to be more irritable or tense, often about external stressors like a bad day at work or financial stress. Often times, the person who is the target of abuse will try to ease that tension and feel like they are walking on eggshells around their partner. 
• Incident: The abuser starts to engage in abusive behaviors. Some examples are threats, means of control, calling names, physical or sexual acts of violence, or manipulation. The abuser will often state reasons why they are blowing up, including it being your fault. 
• Reconciliation: The abuser will try to make things right by being overly sweet and loving. They may even buy gifts and promise that it won't happen again. This is often called the honeymoon stage because it mimics the period of time at the beginning of the relationship. The victims often believe their partner that they have changed and that it was a one time thing. 
• Calm: In this stage, things are back to normal. Both the abuser and the victim might believe that the incident wasn't as bad and a thing of the past. Life returns to normal until the cycle starts back up again. 

• The Center for Disease Control (CDC) reports that about 1 in 4 women and 1 in 10 men have experienced Domestic Violence from their partners.
• According to The National Center for Injury Prevention and Control, an average of 24 people per minute are victims of rape, physical violence or stalking by an intimate partner in the United States.
• The National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey that was conducted in 2010 detailed that almost half of all women and men in the United States have experienced psychological aggression by an intimate partner in their lifetime. 
• The CDC states that 81% of women who experienced rape, stalking, or physical violence from an intimate partner reported significant impacts like injuries or symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder

For additional statistics broken down by state, please see: https://worldpopulationreview.com/state-rankings/domestic-violence-by-state

or within the United States: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Domestic_violence_in_the_United_States